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It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
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The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
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A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
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Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Mit der Dummheit k?mpfen G?tter selbst vergebens
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
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In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ? and better tools.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
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Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
If a man does his best, what else is there?
If a man does his best, what else is there?
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
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Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
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He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
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If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
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He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
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The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
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C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
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Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
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Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
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Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
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And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
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Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
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The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
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Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
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To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
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I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
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The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
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Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI?!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
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A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Smith & Wesson ? the original point and click interface.
Smith & Wesson ? the original point and click interface.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
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Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
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So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
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University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
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There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
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I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
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For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
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The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
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Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
I was on vacation this summer visiting an old friend when I had one of my particularly painful events during our visit, despite the pain meds I was on.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
zUHGWCK
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
uGVuvYok
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Why don't you write books people can read?
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
The truth is more important than the facts.
The truth is more important than the facts.
The truth is more important than the facts.
The truth is more important than the facts.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Mit der Dummheit k?mpfen G?tter selbst vergebens
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
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The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
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Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
The truth is more important than the facts.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
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I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ? however slight ? lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
Smith & Wesson ? the original point and click interface.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
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Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
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Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
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Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
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A camel is a horse designed by a committee
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
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I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
A hen is only an egg?s way of making another egg.
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The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
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When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
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Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
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About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
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Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
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I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
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I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ? however slight ? lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
ing life insurance >:] insurance homeowner dfcmyb cheap business insurance %-((
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
In this war ? as in others ? I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
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Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
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If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
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The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
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When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
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It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
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Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
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Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
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I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
Mit der Dummheit k?mpfen G?tter selbst vergebens
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
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God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
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A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
The truth is more important than the facts.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI?!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ? however slight ? lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
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Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
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Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
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Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
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If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
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The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
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I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
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Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels?!
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Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
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Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
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There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
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Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
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The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
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My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
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Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
Mit der Dummheit k?mpfen G?tter selbst vergebens
Mit der Dummheit k?mpfen G?tter selbst vergebens
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
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